Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Floor bacon is actually really good
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
