If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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