Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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