Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
