Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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