it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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