I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
