Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
