His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
