Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
