my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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