They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
