All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
