explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
