Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
