Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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