I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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