There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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