I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
