I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish I only lived at night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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