ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
