Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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