Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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