While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
