you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
