Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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