I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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