god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
