haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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