You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your penis caused this!
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