So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
