Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
