In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize