I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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