Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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