Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
