The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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