he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
