but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
