Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
