So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
