Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Randomize
