i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
