"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
