i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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