So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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