It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
