Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
