I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
