i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
