i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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