the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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