He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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