I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
