my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
