my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
