The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
