It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
