Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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