so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
