I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
