i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
