I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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