did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
