apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
