Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I want to make a zoo with you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
