Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
being pregnant is like rehab
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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