We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
