i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
