That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
