the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We need to rekindle our bromance
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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