After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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