omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
