i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
