Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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