I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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