just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
