You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
