Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
