I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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