real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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