I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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