apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
